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Women Are Complex Creatures

If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman
If you don't, you are not a man

If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you don't, you are good for nothing

If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp
If you don't, you are not understanding

If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring
If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing

If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you don't, you are a dull boy

If you are jealous, she says it's bad
If you don't, she thinks you do not love her

If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her
If you don't, she thinks you do not like her

If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait
If she is late, she says that's a girl's way

If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time"
If she is visited by another woman, "oh it's natural, we are girls"

If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage

If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics
If you do, she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction

If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting
If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring

If you talk, she wants you to listen
If you listen, she wants you to talk


In short:


So simple, yet so complex
So weak, yet so powerful
So confusing, yet so desirable
So damning, yet so wonderful...


....WOMEN!....Sigh!

What They Say What They Mean

What girls say ...What they mean

Can't we just be friends? 
There is no way in hell I am going to let any part of your body touch any part of mine, again.

I just need some space
...without you in it

Can you help me with my homework?
If I keep whining, the fool will do it for me.

Do I look fat in this dress? 
We haven't had a fight in a while

No, pizza's fine
.....Cheap bastard

I just do not want a boyfriend now
I just do not want (you as) a boy-friend

I don't know; what do you want to do?
I can't believe that you have nothing planned

Come here
My puppy does this too

I like you but... You never listen
I don't like you You never listen

We're moving too quickly 
I am not going to sleep with you until I find out if this guy in Bio has a girlfriend

I'll be ready in a minute 
I AM ready, but I am going to make you wait because I know you will.

Oh, no, I will pay for myself 
I am just being nice; there is no way I am going dickhead

Oh Yes! Right there
Well, near there; I just want to get this over with

I'm just going out with the girls.
We are gonna get sloppy and make fun of you and your friends

There's no one else
I am doing your brother

Size doesn't count... 
unless I want an orgasm

What guys say... ...What they mean...

It is just orange juice, try it 
3 more shots, and she'll have her legs around my head.

She's kind of cute 
I want to bang her till I am blue

I don't know if I like her 
She won't blow me

I need you 
My hand is tired

I had her 
I had (wet dreams about) her all week.

I really want to get to know you 
...so we can do what I tell my friends we do better already.

How do I compare with all your Other boyfriends?
Is my penis really that small?

You're the only girl I've ever cared about
You are the only girl who has not rejected me

I want you back 
...for tonight anyway

We've been through so much together
If it was not for you, I never would have lost my virginity

I miss you so much 
I am so horny that my roommate is starting to look good

No, I do not want to dance right now
Shoot! She'll know that I have a hard-on

The break-up should not start for another 24 hours
I want to have sex a few more times

I am different from all the other guys
I am not circumcised

Pick-Up Lines

I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hands.

Can I borrow a quarter
["What for?"] I want to call my mom and tell her that I just met the girl of my dreams.
<OR>
I want to call your mom and thank her.

Is your dad a thief?? 
["No."] Then how did he steal the sparkle of the stars and put it in your eyes? (Be ready with a snappy response in case they say "Yes.")

Your so hot, you melt the elastic in my underwear.

Would you be my love buffet?? So I can lay you out on the table and take what I want?

Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.

The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.

You must be tired. 
["Why?"] You were running through my dreams all night.

That outfit would look great crumpled in a heap on my bedroom floor.

My name's [state your name]. That's so you know what to scream.

My name's [state your name], but you can call me "Lover."

Nice shoes. Wanna fuck??

What do you say we go out for a pizza and then a fuck?? 
["No."] 
You don't like pizza?? (Be ready with a snappy response in case they say "Okay.")

Can I flirt with you??

Your dad must've been a Baker, 'cause you got a nice set of buns.

[Look at his/her shirt tag. When they say, "What are you doing?"] 
Checking to see if you were made in heaven.

All those curves, and me with no brakes.

If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me??

Fuck me if I'm wrong, but don't you want to kiss me?

[Grab his/her ass.] Pardon me, is this seat taken??

Is it hot in here or is it just you?

Can you give me directions? 
["To where?"] 
Your heart.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

How 'bout you sit on my lap and we'll see what pops up.

Do you know what would look good on you? Me.

I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?

How 'bout you and I go back to my place and get out of these wet clothes.

[Tap your thigh.] You just think this is my leg.

Say, that's a nice [dress/outfit/shirt/article of clothing]. Can I talk you out of it?

I lost my phone number. Can I have yours?

I hope you know CPR 'cause you take my breath away.

Excuse me, is that semen in your hair?

My face is leaving in 15 minutes. Be on it.-

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